Relational Stress

There are times when the problem is not with how we are structuring our lives, but with the relationships in our lives.  Those stresses may come from outside, like the proverbial in-law issues, or may be inside the family.

Though we can’t go into detail here, there are some principles we can use to de-stress relationships.   

BE NICE:  Be polite, act kindly, use good manners, put away harshness.

BE CONSISTENT:  Your family should not have to worry which mother or father will show up today.

THINK TEAM:  The Bible speaking to men said, “He who loves his wife, loves himself.”  Another way of saying it is: “If mama ain’t happy, you finish it….. ain’t nobody happy.”  As much as possible, make life better for the unit, and the the people in the unit have a better chance of doing well.

LESSEN SUBTERRANEAN COMMUNICATION:  The quiet treatment, little character assassinations, or non-verbals of sighing and rolling your eyes, have no place in a marriage.  Get issues out in the open and really talk about them.  If they lie in hiding they will drain your energy.  Ladies, we as men are dense, we do not get the hints.  You have to tell us.  “I need time with you.”

QUIT BICKERING:  The line is different for each couple.  There is a line between teasing and nagging, between disagreeing and bickering.  Proverbs says, “a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet”.  Those little jabs we give each other after a while are not heard.  They tear us down, and do not help our cause.

DON’T COMPETE:  This is not a hard and fast rule.  There are times when competition is fun, but there are times when competition between husbands and wives can create an environment of stress.  Both of you be happy with the other’s success, and enjoy each other’s strengths.

GROW UP:  We have to be careful not to have one person being another one of the kids.  We need to not try to keep one foot in adolescence and another in adulthood.  Now I am not saying that we should not be fun loving, but we should take equal responsibility in the household. 
           
GET FRIENDS:  Develop a network of caring friends.  Studies show that nurturing friendships promote personal well being, and even long life.

Thought Questions: 

Which of the above are we both pretty good about?

Both spouses need to ask if there is one area in which they can improve.  Don’t be confrontational, really listen to each other!

Is there a person who is causing the family stress?  How can that stress be remedied?
(There may not be an answer.  There may just be agreement that a certain person is stressful). 

In that case, how can you lower the impact of this negative person in the life of your family? 
(It helped our children when we agreed with them that certain people were stress producing.  It gave their feelings about the person validity.)

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