Selfishness and Conflict
Bev and I agree that underlying most conflict is usually selfishness. One way people are selfish is that they do not like to admit they are wrong. Both partners in a relationship must have a foundational belief that is ok to be wrong. Also, there are many ways to accomplish the same aim. Be flexible on how to bring about change. Both of you will have different ideas on how to do things. Different is not wrong it is just different.
Zig Ziglar in his book Courtship After Marriage made this statement about selfishness: “The question that begs an answer is, why would there be conflict between two people who love each other anyhow? The answer lies in human nature, which is basically selfish. Acting alone, selfishly, is basic to every marriage problem, the essence of sin, the worm in every apple. It is wanting ‘my own way,’ with money, time, decisions, sex; thinking of personal comfort, pleasure, rights; insisting on independence and personal ambitions at my partner’s expense; ignoring my partner’s feelings and desires (spoken of unspoken); living in my own small circle, my private world; refusing to go the second mile to serve, give, please, adapt, submit; concerning myself more with a personal victory than a stronger relationship. To eliminate this selfishness, we must always ask this key question: ‘Am I being selfish and independent in this matter right now?’ Love, real love, doesn’t demand; it serves.” (p. 192, Oliver Nelson, Nashville 1990) So, the opposite of selfishness is desiring the highest good for my spouse. Really, it comes back over and over to the golden rule where Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would Jesus fulfilled and lived out what he taught us. He loved us so much that he was willing to die on the cross for us, so that our sins could be forgiven. Paul in the Book of Ephesians in the Bible shows how this relates to marriage. He says, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. He then goes on to say, “In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies, He who loves his wife loves himself.” Eph 5:28 When husband or wife invest in their marriage relationship they make life better for themselves. A relationship with Jesus Christ can give us the ability to live the golden rule in our home. If you want some information on how a relationship with Christ is possible read the section on "Jesus" and it can help you.
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